Articles

Like many autistics, I am one who loves to collect things. Always have been. From stuffed animals, sea shells, and fantasy figurines; to witch dolls, trolls, pencil sharpeners, and books. I have been all over the place! I also have a collection of notebooks I've been wanting to put to good use. I've even googled uses for notebooks, because I needed more ideas. It was then when I came across the term 'commonplace book,' which I'd never heard of. Naturally (for me), I was intrigued. I should probably explain that: I love learning new things. So when I come across something unfamiliar, I just have to know what it means or what it is. I cannot just let it go. The same happened when I came across the term 'commonplace book,' as I was going through a list of uses for notebooks.

There are many types of accommodations for autistics, which can make our lives easier. A few weeks ago, I purchased one which I never thought of as an autism accommodation. However, it turned out to be a very important one for me.

Bullying is a huge problem in society, in my opinion. Many autistics become the victims of bullying in their lives, more so in comparison to neurotypical people. We are different, and that can make us stand out and perhaps more vulnerable to negative attention. For instance, there can be social and communication differences; the lack of a strong  social network; distinct behaviors, such as stimming, and intense special interests. There is no excuse for bullying someone, whether people are different from us or not. I myself have experienced bullying several times in my life, before I knew I was autistic. I never had many friends, even though I almost always had some, and pretty much always felt different. I may not have known why I felt different for almost 30 years of my life, but I did know that I was for as long as I can remember.

A few weeks ago I had a conversation about autism, ADD, and ADHD; and how I have many traits of ADHD. I know there is significant overlap in autistic and ADHD traits, so I’ve never given it much thought. However, since I didn’t really know what ADD is, I decided afterwards to learn more about it.

Boundaries. We all have them. We all need to make sure to protect them somehow. But what if you’re not sure where your boundaries lay? Not everyone can recognize their boundaries in time to make sure they are not violated.

It was on July 13 2019, 8 days before my 30th birthday, that I learned that I’m autistic. My whole world changed on that day, even though I didn’t realize it yet. In a sense, I was handed the keys to understanding myself and my life in a way I never had before. I had known that I was different for as long as I can remember, always felt that way, although I couldn’t really explain how or why. Now I finally knew: I am autistic, my brain works differently from that of most other people. Also: I am not alone, there is an entire community out there of people like me.

This time of year is usually extra difficult for me. The days are shorter and the weather is often dreary, which triggers my seasonal depression. Also, visual and auditory stimuli become more intense as it’s the holiday season. Even though holiday decorations and Christmas lights can be beautiful and special, it is a lot to process and can become overwhelming.

Being locked inside my mind.

On Monday the 24th of March this year, I lost my rock, my best friend, my Loki. She was 7,5 years and 1 week old when I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life. My poor little Loki was diagnosed with tumors right before Christmas and her doctor wasn’t even sure is she’d make it through that. But she was incredible strong and we took care of her the best we could, especially me. She was my child and it was my responsibility. We all agreed we’d keep her with us for as long as she could live a happy life. The tumors kept growing but she was her happy, active self.

Way too often, when women or girls become the victims of sexual violence, society is quick to jump to the wrong questions, like: what was she wearing? Why was she alone? What was she doing there? What was she doing out that late? I’m sure there are other questions being asked as well, (unfortunately) these are just some examples. What they seem to boil down to is this: she and/or her parents (or caretakers) should have known better. In other words: it’s their own fault – at least partly; and: they should have seen this coming.

I used to believe that I was a procrastinator. When in college, starting from my second year somewhere, I became unable to start doing my homework on time. I knew very well when it was time to start, but I didn’t do it. Research papers were increasingly challenging to finish in time for my deadlines. Oftentimes, I worked all night because I could only start writing when I was haunted by my deadlines. I felt like I was too easily distracted by pretty much anything that wasn’t my actual homework.

I haven’t written anything since December.